When done correctly patterns are SUPER flattering. They cover all manor of sins (and by sins I mean bulges in bad places) and they make any outfit look a little bit more festive. One of my favorite looks when I'm feeling especially portly is to throw on a well cut top with a crazy pattern, skinny jeans and BOOM - outfit.

Now, please note that I said WELL CUT TOP, because when done incorrectly patterns will have the opposite result and make you look like a circus tent, couch etc.

What you want to look for in a flattering patterned top is something that is a bit tailored, with some interesting detail to accentuate the pattern. Because my tummy is my least favorite of all my body parts, I like something that is fitted around the shoulders but then loose and drapey from about bra-line down.

Do not, under any circumstances, wear bubbles tops. Ever.


This top is just insanely unbearably flattering. The ruffles hide EVERYTHING, just everything, but the floral pattern makes it look airy and pretty, like a meadow being fluttered by a breeze. The racerback  straps narrow my shoulders and do something magical for my clavicle and I feel a little bit pretty-pretty princess, in a good way (isn't it always a good way?)

Everyone has a nice clavicle, seriously, EVERYONE

Bulges? What bulges?

Dark, adornment free skinny jeans make a necessary counterpoint to the ruffles and pattern and overall largess of the top.


Also seen here in white, this drapey fit sort of skims over everything, but in a polished, put together way that makes me feel very grown up. While the white is quite winsome, this pattern just gives some serious crazy eye stimulation which makes it even post family BBQ hungover Dena feel both polished, a little fierce and also like my alcohol puffy will remain cleverly undetected. It also hides my inevitable dropped food stains much better than the white version. 

Look, there's my clavicle again, also, no bulges, HAZAA

PRO TIP: To give this top a little more shape I do a partial tuck in the back, it nips it in just a bit but still covers where I want that flowing coverage...